I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
