i don't like sucking hair
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
