oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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