doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
