i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
