margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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