why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
