I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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