That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
