i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
