No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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