So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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