i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize