Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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