Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
