I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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