id be glad to
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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