I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
