i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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