i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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