shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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