Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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