Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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