yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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