Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
