Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
