We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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