I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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