Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
