You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
