I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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