I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
