I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
