I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
