Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
