And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
