oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
