I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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