ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
