My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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