Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
