apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just invented taco cereal.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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