so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
