Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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