i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
