Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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