Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize