i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
