He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
