So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
