she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
