i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
