Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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