im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
