I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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