.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
