There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
