What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
