Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
