she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
