I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
