i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
