I'm sorry my penis didn't work
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
