got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
