I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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