it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
