I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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