I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
