dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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