just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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