Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize