I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize