Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
