Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
