This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hippo gnu deer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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