Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish i was in the wii world.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
