he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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