whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
